


What an emotion

by Mageless



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: ...Okay yeah, BUT LIKE THE TINIEST BIT, M/M, One Shot, tinge of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mageless/pseuds/Mageless
Summary: His captain almost dies, and when Spock saves him, he has to comes to terms with a few truths he's been denying for a very long time. Or, he could just ignore them. Like usual. Oneshot Spirk fic.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

"... Spock. How did you know the override password?" Captain James Tiberius Kirk asked his science officer and friend, pushing himself up from his bed in sickbay just as his doctor pushed him down, and with far more force.

"Don't even try." Bones warned, casting a stern eye at the captain who was currently coughing his lungs out, fist over mouth as he tried to collect what little breathe he had. "You've been through quite the ordeal and I'm not letting you outta here until I think you should be. Okay?!" Silently, Kirk nodded, throwing Spock as wry grin that naturally, the Vulcan didn't return. "Yes sir Captain McCoy!" He joked, trying to at least elicit some sort of rise out of the first officer. For once, he didn't even chastise Jim. He barely even seemed to notice the comment at all. "Spock?" He repeated, prompting the Vulcan to finally look up, almost jolting awake. Almost. 

"... I apologise, Captain." He offered, his brows furrowed and drawn. "I'm afraid I was... distracted."

Kirk laughed, or at least he tried to. The whole thing came out more like a breathy choke, one that made his friends brow draw even further, more in worry than in thought. 

"That's quite all right, Spock." He joked, trying once more to sit up. This time, Bones just rolled his eyes, leaving the room with about a thousand grumbles and a "Don't you dare leave, I'll check on you later!" On his way out. It was only a brief shuffle from his current position to a sitting one, but somehow he ended up losing his balance, falling sideways towards the floor, not enough power in him to even shout for help. Spock had a hand on his back, guiding him back into position before he would even need to. Even after Kirk nodded his head to gesture that he was fine Spock didn't move his hand away, didn't want to. Not for at least a few more minutes. Not until his captain gave him the polite cough to move away. 

"Are you okay, Captain?" He asked, not quite sure why as Jim's entire physical state was laid out on the screens above him. "I'm quite alright, Mr. Spock. Now stop avoiding the question." For a split second, Spock froze, his hand juddering in the air before returning to its normal state. Only a split second, but enough for Kirk to notice. "Ah." He remarked, Suddenly noticing all the details his blurry eyes had allowed to escape him. The tension on Spock's face: not it's usual Vulcan rigour, but genuine concern and... fear. 

"The last time you were this nervous Spock, It was your Ponn Farr." He laughed. "I do hope you're not going to kill me again, are you?" He'd meant it to be funny, but the moment he said it Kirk knew that ha been the wrong thing to say. Almost killing Kirk... It was like a demon inside of Spock's heart, a blight on his memory. He had not only been forced, but had been _willing_ to kill his captain. His friend. As much as he suppressed it even the thought of that day elicited an emotional reaction from him, sometimes several. Kirk noticed in this case that the half-Vulcan's face froze over, falling slack as he built as much mental distance between him and his captain as possible. "I'm sorry", the captain offered, reaching a hand out for Spock to help him up, and as a gesture of peace. "Doctor McCoy has assigned you to bed rest, Captain." He responded, his voice as neutral and monotone as could be. "And as a Vulcan, I am not capable of experiencing that emotion." _Not capable my ass._

"Whatever you say, Mr. Spock, but you're still avoiding the question." Kirk retrieved his hand, choosing to cross them both over his chest in disapproval. 

"And what question would that be?" Spock asked. Fighting the urge to clock him, Kirk gave a tight smile. 

"There are only two people on this ship that know the override code to those doors, Lieutenant commander Spock, and you are not one of them. Now I am thankful that you saved my life, but this is a security breach Mr. Spock and I must demand that you answer truthfully!" By the end of his sentence, Kirk was almost shouting. He could practically feel his throat mending itself over the course of him and his friends argument. Spock on the other hand was standing so stiff and straight that Kirk could practically _hear_ his spine being crushed under the pressure, whatever had happened on the enterprise the past day, Spock didn't wanna talk about it. Fortunately, Spock's duty to starfleet seemed to win out over his own pride (even if he wouldn't admit to it's presence) or responsibility to his Vulcan half, as the science officer gave in with a barely discernible slump. Kirk watched the battle with a glint in his eye. 

"I must apologise captain but I... I read your mind. 

"You **what**?!"

\-----24-Hours-Earlier-----

The inside of the USS ENTERPRISE, NCC-1701 was in a state of absolute, utter chaos. Sparks ricocheted off of walls with bangs and zaps, screams and shouts echoed out through dimly lit hallways and perhaps most importantly of all a peculiar, treacherous green gas sneaked into every nook of the ship. Worst of all nobody seemed to care. Monitors blinked red and alarms sounded out and the entire crew of the enterprise acted as though they were at war: civil war, anyway. The few security officers able to keep their minds were soon knocked conscious by phaser blasts, which had fortunately been locked into stun, and in the medical bay a group of nurses tried hard to develop a cure for the very doctor who should very well have been doing the work himself, but was instead trying to bludgeon his fellow crew-mates to death with his own medical equipment. By the time they had managed to get the cure out through hypo sprays to the majority of the crew, over a quarter of the ships personnel were injured, in someway or other. 

Now the thing about the transporter rooms is that they were the main way that any member of the crew would enter or leave the ship (unless you absolutely hated the things, and no amount of 'encouragement' from a pointy eared hob-goblin would persuade you otherwise), and precisely because they were the main way to enter or leave the ship, they had to be well protected. Every transporter room was built in with a series of protocols to prevent a contaminant from reaching the rest of the ship. Most notably in this case, was a practically un-overridable, air tight barrier that closed off the transport barrier and could then afterwards, remove any and all air from the room. 

Of the two people to have this override, one was the captain of the ship himself, and the other was it's chief medical officer. The same medical officer that had conked Jim over the head, and activated the protocol: the same medical officer whose eyes were so bloodshot they practically bled red, and who was currently roaring like a madman as he engaged his fellow officers in lethal combat. Fortunately for the captain, choking to death has it's way of waking up a man. Peculiarly, it also had its way of waking up commander Spock. 

The gas ha been planted on the ship in a container of di-lithium from their last stop. Its effects included but were not limited to paranoia, blackouts and homicidal rage. Fortunately, as a half-Vulcan, lieutenant commander Spock had been experiences two out of three of these sensations for most of his conscious life. Suppressing them came as naturally to him as breathing, or almost throwing up after sampling one of doctor McCoy's horrendous tinctures. This was why whilst the rest of the ship were waking up on the most extreme wrong side of the bed, he could meditate peacefully. At least until he could swear he heard his captain shouting his name, and he felt his throat closing up. Spock awoke clutching at his collar, tearing the fabric into shreds as he forced himself out of his rest clothes and into his uniform, managing to choke out a request for the computer to locate Captain Kirk. 

"Captain Kirk in in transporter room two." The computer responded, and the science officer practically fell out of his room door as he struggled to breathe. After a minute or two the choking sensation went away, but the tightness in his chest didn't recede, especially when he finally noticed the hellish situation the entire ship was currently in. Why hadn't anybody woken him up? Spock got his answer when a young ensign charged at him as if he'd just seen his worst enemy, flailing a fist towards his chest. Spock barely even stopped to put the boy to sleep with a Vulcan nerve pinch before continuing to run on to his destination: Transporter room two. First the captain, then the ship. 


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Spock got the the transporter room, Kirk was almost entirely out of air. His lungs were of fire, and his head felt like it was exploding from the pain. Of all the ways he thought he'd die... suffocation was one of his least favourite. In the arms of a beautiful woman perhaps, or at least with his close friends by his side. McCoy, Scottie, Spock... _Damn it Spock. If you don't get your ass in here and open this barrier right this instant, I'm going to give you the reprimand to end all reprimands!_ It was illogical, of course. Or at least Spock would most certainly say so, since he didn't have the override code, and Kirk didn't have enough breathe in his lungs to speak it. If he could just stay awake long enough... keep fighting just until Spock, or hell anybody got here, then he could mouth them the override code through the barrier and he could get out of there! Except of course the entire ship was going mad, and that pain in his head was starting to feel like... what did Bones call it? Aeroplane pressure? Whatever it was called, he felt like something up there was going to pop. 

The lock down protocol was designed to be everything proof, and 'everything' most certainly included sound, but Jim though he heard something anyway. He _had_ been spread out across the floor, trying to conserve what little oxygen he had left, but with the laze of a man who was either drunk or dying from oxygen deprivation, he managed to sit up, his back against the wall and his head limp against the glass. Through the haze of it all Kirk thought he could see Spock: angry, almost hysterical, shouting... something at the wall in front of him. He laughed. Bones had told him that people with oxygen deprivation would start to hallucinate. It made sense he'd see Spock. No finer man, no. Finer officer. Hell, finer friend that he'd want to die with. The figment was mouthing something... what was it? Jim... something. Something. Code? Oh, the command code. It was rather cute. Even his hallucination of Spock was desperate to save him, hiding all of that emotion underneath his cold Vulcan heart. Kirk let his eyes close. He was safe, now. Spock was there. He could sleep. 

"Dammit, Captain! Jim! Open your eyes and speak!" 

And suddenly, something popped: but it wasn't his brain. It was like a bubble was around his head and suddenly it was gone, and he could hear the sound of his heart beating again, the rush of blood underneath his skin. He even thought he heard, _really heard_ Spock _._ Cursing, of all things! Even he didn't have the imagination to hallucinate Spock cursing. _The code._ He shouted to himself, digging his fingers hard enough into his palms to draw blood as he pulled strength from Surak knows where. He didn't have enough energy to move his fingers, so he spoke the words as slowly as he could. No sound would come out, of course, but that's not what he needed. He just needed Spock to see. _Kirk. Alpha. Epsilon. Five. Slow and steady, you can't afford to fumble. Six, two, omega nine. Kirk, Alpha, Epsilon, five._ Suddenly, he realised his mouth hadn't moved at all. It was like he was disconnected from his body, running on less than fumes. Fumes... He remembered those old cars, how they used to spew black smoke from their... exhaust pipes likes ash from a volcano. Black smoke... He could see it now, fogging up his vision. Actually, he couldn't see anything at all. Vaguely, Kirk realised he was about to pass out, and so he did, but not before his mind registered a slight _hiss_ coming from right in front of him, and a pair of warm hands lifting him almost effortlessly off of the ground. Maybe, he wouldn't die after all. 

\-----Spock's-POV-----

"Dammit, Captain! Jim! Open your eyes and speak!"

When he'd entered the transporter room, Spock hadn't know what to expect. An irritated captain, illogically banging his hands on a soundproof barrier, most likely. Ordering him furiously to get him out of there. What he hadn't expected was Jim, lying face down on the floor of the transporter pod like... like he was dead and gone. How long had he been like this? Spock had gotten there as soon as he could but it had taken him sixty whole seconds to get changed. Another forty five to get to the transporter bay at a dead sprint. The average human would be dead in the water by now, someone in good health might have fifteen more seconds. _Don't die, Captain._

Kirk flinched, or at least made some sort of slight movement. It gave Spock the hope to get up close against the barrier as his friend forced himself into sitting position. He wished he hadn't gotten so close. The captain looked terrible: his face was splotched and almost blue, his eyes couldn't focus and he could barely lift his head. It was futile, but Spock found his fist slamming forward. "Jim!" He shouted, trying to make his mouth form the words as clearly as possible. "Whats the code?!" If he could just get the captain to focus. To listen. Right now it was less like Jim was looking at him and more like he was looking through him, his lips marginally twisting into something halfway between nostalgia and... what? What was that? Admiration? Care? He couldn't tell, and he didn't care because suddenly the captain's head drooped further, his eyes falling shut, and if there was one thing Spock refused to do, it was die before his captain. Hell. Die before his friend.

 _Dammit!_ "Captain!" _Jim!_ "Open your eyes and speak!" 

Suddenly Spock thought he felt pop, although there was no significant change in pressure in the room, and faintly, he could hear a ringing that drowned out the cacophony of alarms. At the same time, Kirk snapped open his eyes, his whole body shuddering, fighting to survive. He lifted his head just barely and stared Spock straight in the eyes and those, those were not the eyes of a dying man. Those were the eyes of his captain. 

Kirk's lips quivered. It was obvious he was trying to say _something_ , but Spock just couldn't make out the words. At least he couldn't see them, but he could hear them fine. Kirk Alpha Epsilon Five, Six Two Omega Nine. He had no idea where the sound was coming from, but if he was willing to listen he'd probably know the answer.

"Computer cancel decontamination protocol! Override code Kirk alpha epsilon five! Six two omega nine!" He shouted, watching as his captain fell limply to the floor as the wall he lent on was remove from him. Spock didn't save a breathe before he rushed over, fighting the uncomfortable feeling of the sudden flow of air in the room as he bent down to scoop up ~~princess~~ captain Kirk, rushing him into sickbay with all the speed he could muster. 


	3. Chapter 3

In the brief run back to sick bay it was easy to observe that the worst of the crisis was over. Medical personnel were handing out hypo sprays and there was no longer a need to fights one's way through the corridors, even if the ship was still a complete mess. Thankfully, the doctor was among the cured. Even if the sickbay was packed to the brim, there was enough time for McCoy to manoeuvre his way to the captain side, losing his usually curmudgeonly, grumbling manner. A bit. "What happened?!" McCoy shouted, helping Spock place the captain onto one of the few free temporary sickbeds. "The Captain was trapped in a decontamination protocol." The Vulcan informed. "He was without oxygen for quite sometime." The doctor went pale, putting the pieces together inside of his mind of what must have happened. Before the doctor could completely fall into guilt, Spock gave his shoulder a light tap. "Doctor, while I fully expect to be informed of everything that happened here today, I am already quite certain that whatever did happen, was not the fault of the crew." McCoy nodded, grabbing his medical tri-corder to take readings before letting out a deep sigh of relief. "He'll be okay. The people who did this... I cannot promise quite so much." The doctor had repeatedly told Spock that there was no-body quite so skilful at inflicting pain as a medical professional, usually as a lighthearted joke. Looking at the man's eyes at that moment, Spock was quite sure that it had never been a joke at all. "Mr. Spock you should take the bridge."

\-----Back-To-The-Present-----

"Captain, what do you remember?" Tentatively, Spock made his way around sick bay, cleaning up some of the mess. Almost everyone had either left or fallen asleep, at this point, and so the sick-bay was fairly quiet.

"Not much... I remember Bones asking me to meet him in transporter room two for some kind of emergency and then... nothing. When I woke up he told me that you had taken the bridge after somehow getting me out of a maximum security decontamination procedure and that the ship had once again narrowly manoeuvred it's way out of crisis. Why? What happened? Did I say anything while I was out?" So he remembered nothing... To be fair, that was probably for the best. The entire affair had been odd, and the first thing Spock had done after dropping Kirk off in sickbay had been to jam a hypo spray full of the gas cure into his neck, in case that was what had been affecting his telepathic powers. It hadn't changed anything. He could still feel him. Could still feel how much his head ached and his lungs burned. Could practically see the nightmares he was having. It took almost every ounce of willpower Spock had not to ask McCoy to give one of them a sedative. He almost didn't care which. Almost. He still had a ship to get to safety.

"Spock" Forcefully as ever, his captain pulled him out of his reverie.

"I apologise, captain. To your first question, the ship was attacked by a poisonous gas designed to render every member of the crew mindless with rage, presumably in order to influence our destruction. To your second question, no you did not. By he time I got to you you were unable to speak. I had to reach into your mind in order to receive the override code. I'm sorry, captain. But if I had not done so you would have died." It wasn't a lie, really. He had gone into the captains mind. He just hadn't done it on purpose. 

"Huh. Kirk remarked, sitting straighter in his seat. "I thought you had to be in physical contact to perform the meld, Spock?" He asked, observing the sudden bout of tension that ran up his first officer's spine. 

"I believe it was a combination of the gas, as well as your and I's shared intention, as well as our relatively close proximity that allowed my mind to breach the barrier, captain." It was a definite possibility, and the alternatives were... too difficult to think about. Either He had abandoned the needs of the entire crew in favour of a feeling, or... or it was something entirely different. Because there was only one other situation that created such a strong psychic bond between Vulcans, and it was when they were wed. When they were joined and became irreversibly a part of each other, and that wasn't him and Jim, his captain. Not at all. Not even when he thought back to that look in Jim's eyes when he was trapped behind that wall, like it'd all be okay because he was here. Not even when his fist ached from punching that barrier. 

"Is that so, Mr. Spock?"

"Yes, Captain." _Yes... T'hy'la._ Spock thought. Even as he denied the notion with his entire being. 


End file.
